goodbye, cruel world

I quit Twitter. It’s a broken door, one that I’ve given up trying to fix.

I tried to make it work. I tried following a bunch of interesting folks. I tried unfollowing everyone but a select few. I tried lists, mutes, muffles, and blocks.

But no matter what I’ve tried, it’s just Jeep ads and harassment, outrage and snarky jokes, all the way down. Yes, I realize that roughly 65% of my personality is snarky joke. But you can only take so much, and I can barely stand myself. I don’t know what I was looking for when I originally signed up in 2009, but this isn’t it.

No, I’m not planning to replace it with Slack. I tried that, too. Not interested. They’re trying to fix a problem I don’t have by creating a problem I don’t want. Plus, they’re like one more round of VC funding away from fucking it all up.

I quit Facebook years ago, a decision I could not be happier with.

People tell me Snapchat isn’t for sending dick pics. If that’s true, I don’t understand Snapchat. Either way, no thanks.

So for now, the only social network I’m subscribed to is Instagram.

Update: I quit Instagram.

So now I’m like some kind of digital hermit. I’m reading emails and checking RSS like its 1999. If you want to get in touch, email me. If you have my number, send me a text or iMessage or whatever. If you try to FaceTime me, I’ll set your car on fire. And for fucksakes, DO NOT call me, unless someone I know is dead.